IMIGRANTE (essay 1)

                                                   

It was January 28, 2008 in the Philippines. It was late in the evening, around 6 o'clock. On the way to the airport with my aunt and relatives, I remember seeing the sunset by Manila Bay and it looks really warm, but for me the weather feels gloomy. Upon arrival at the airport, the holiday spirit is engulfing the place. You can still see Christmas decors in display. 

There’s people patiently waiting for arrivals of their love ones, and some people with their saddest faces waving their good byes. As for me, I’m the latter. With a heavy heart, I could still remember the scenario, I have my favorite purple Jansport backpack, pushing a cart full of baggages towards the entrance of the departure area and wearing just a plain old white shirt and my favorite pair of jeans and sneakers, my older sister Paula was walking beside me in her loose shirt, comfortable shorts and sandals, holding firmly onto her belly, she’s about 4 months pregnant at that time. Trying not to look back, I told my sister “Ate, I don’t want to leave.” She looked at me and told me, “Don’t be silly.”, but in her eyes I saw, the same mixed emotions of anxiety, sadness and excitement.  The very same emotions I have at that moment. I will be boarding my first ever plane trip. We’re leaving the Philippines...for good.

I was 19 years old by then, I don’t know if I should be happy because at long last I will live under the same roof with my parents and my four other siblings, it had been a long wait, there’ve been legal issues in between my mother and my biological father about taking us to the United States, so it required me and my sister to wait until our legal age to decide for ourselves and migrate here but on the side of my mind was, should I be sad because I’m leaving the people I grow up with, my auntie who raised me since I can remember, my cousins, my long time friends, and specially my boyfriend. Staring blankly ahead, I continue to maneuver my cart, everything was blurry. I couldn’t blink, because I know that if I do, I will not be able to hold back my tears. My sister on the other hand, was just looking at me and giving me a taunting smile. I ignored her. 

As we’re approaching the main entrance of the airport, for some reason my head just instinctively turned and looked back where my relatives were standing waiting for our departure. I saw my aunt, as I laid my eyes upon her face, I saw her looking back at us, sobbing and crying her heart out, I couldn’t hold it anymore, I cried.  The security guards we’re looking at me like I’m such a melodramatic teenager. My sister was laughing at me, I felt stupid, but I didn’t care.

Leaving the Philippines for me then felt like I was going to another planet. It was my world, my comfort zone.  Well, of course, I spent 19 years of my life there; and I’m not ready to go, at least just not yet. I was scared, nervous, anxious, certainly full of emotions. Asking myself random stuff like, what will America be like? When will I see them again? Will it be the same here in the Philippines once I come back? 

On the other hand, I feel excited. I’m going to America, the land of the free, the home of the brave.  Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that country?  Moreover I’m going to be with my family, the only thing that I dreamed of since I was little, finally it’s coming true. Just a moment away and I will lay my eyes on that dream.

We boarded the plane, I was sitting by the window, I peeked outside, saying my goodbye to my motherland, I am not certain when will I be coming back, so I filled my eyes with instill memories as much as I could. It will be a long 16 hours flight, in a few moment I will experience my first plane ride. Yay! or Nay?  I was worried for my sister because she was pregnant then, it will not be easy for her. The engine roar, I buckled up. Excited and nervously waited for the plane to start, after rolling down the runway, boom! we flew up in the sky. It was like riding up a roller coaster. Except with that ride, you’ll go down after 16 hours.

After 16 hours of flight, we arrived safely in LAX, it was 6 o’clock in the evening, in the Philippines by this time, you will witness the most beautiful sunset.  I thought when I arrived, the first ever sunset of the big U.S.A. will welcome me, but the sun already hid itself. I told myself, maybe I just had the wrong time, maybe its already 7 o’clock in the evening. I checked the clock, to my dismay, it really was 6pm. I just brushed it off my mind, I hurriedly look for a window to peek outside the airport, the kid in me, screams for snow! Hey its January, if there’s no sun, at least there should be snow! All of you could imagine how disappointed I was. Half of the movies I watched were liars. So much disappointment in a kid inside me.

After going through long lines, baggage wait, check out and much questioning, we finally walked towards the exit of the   airport, I’m ecstatic. As we reached the arrival area, I looked for familiar faces, my parents and siblings! Oh, I can’t wait to see and hug them! Many people are outside the arrival area waiting, I couldn’t distinguished their faces in the crowd, I just kept on pushing our cart, to my surprise, camera flashes greeted us, I felt like a celebrity, the flashes were from my mother, taking picture of us and my siblings yelling our names. I ran as fast as I could and hug them tight as possible. I thought to myself, this is it!  “I’m home.”

By then, I couldn’t give importance on that day because I had too many emotions. Looking back at this event in my life, I realized how significant that day was, many things had changed. It all started the moment I set foot in America.  It was the point where there is no going back. Point of no return. I need to embrace the new life I was given. It is not easy to migrate, you need to adjust yourself to a new environment and culture. New lessons will be learned. This country helped me distinguished my weakness and strength as a person. Forced me to depend on myself more than anyone else, although my parents has been very supportive of me and my siblings throughout. This country thought me a lot. Made my relationship with people I left in the Philippines grow stronger and tested by the distance. As the saying goes, distance makes the heart go fonder. America shaped me as I am now, and will continue to mold me as I grow and learn new things. I will never forget the day my life completely turned. It all started five years ago, January 28,2008.

1 Corinthians 13

“In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, ‘till death do us part”.  These are the words married people vowed to each other in the matrimony of their marriage. For me, it does not matter whether you’re married or not, what matters most is you will love and stand beside each other until the end, no matter what. I have seen couples who have been married for years, but treat each others like they’re strangers, just staying together for the sake of being married and the kids, even if they do not love each other anymore; and I have seen couples who are not married but had showed me what married couples should be. Marriage certificates for me, are just papers that our society implemented for legal purposes.  What matters most is the promises that the couple made between each other and will do everything in keeping them. 

In an excerpt in the chapter, the idea of being temporary married was written and discussed, just reading the title of the essay made me draw a big frown on my face, the idea of it sounded like signing a “contract” and whoever thought of it must now know what love truly means. I would rather stay single than signing a contract with someone just to be temporarily married, that is, if you call that marriage in the first place. Life is not about convenience. Love is more profound than just signing a contract and then leave when you’re done. 

Although I stated that it doesn’t matter in a relationship if you’re married or not, I still believe that monogamy in a relationship is important. It is a sign of mutual respect for each other. I do not conform on the fact that humans are being compared to other lower form of mammals like the Prairie voles in terms of being faithful in a relationship. Yes, we may be created similarly to them in some ways but the big difference is, we have conscience that knows the difference between right and wrong. Like what Confucius said, “Do not do unto others, what you don’t want others do unto you.” Golden Rule. 

Marriage in America has declined compared eons ago. Social media has played a big influence on this, television shows, the Hollywood. I am sure that almost all of you have heard about the Kardashians, Britney Spears and so forth. This does not need to be elaborated, I’m sure that everyone knows where I’m pointing at. Celebrities, not all, but some, has a big influence on how marriages in America is now. I also think that being monogamous in a relationship has been tougher, because there has been many ways that infidelity can occur like social networking, texting and other methods. Temptations are always around, it’s like survival of the fittest. I know this, because personally I’m in a long distance relationship, and I know how easy it would take to break or make this kind of relationship. Compared before, most couples nowadays also has their own careers, and tend to neglect to nurture the relationship, however, it is always your own choice and actions that will matter, if you love a person truly, no matter how tough the situation gets, your love for each other will always be the answer.

I always enjoy seeing pictures of old couple, I’m amazed on how they stayed with each other throughout the years. As my favorite saying goes, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. For me this reflects my point of view on what married life is going to be. For sure there will be hard times, and in those times, you will question yourself, why of all people, he’s the one you chose? In this times, you will have to ask yourself, what made you chose him, what are the qualities that made you fall in love with him? If there’s ninety-nine reasons why you can’t stand him anymore, think about the one main reason why you chose him, and hopefully this reason is enough for you to stay.

Disney Movie "UP"

Beloved of the rose tower

Beloved of the rose tower

A word or set of words by which a person, animal, place, or thing is known, addressed, or referred to; that is the dictionary definition for a name.  I am blessed with a very long name, Mary Antonette Dela Rosa Torres. In my country, it is very common for people to have two given first names, in my case it’s Mary Antonette. It is said that we adopted this type of naming system from the Spaniards. My middle name is Dela Rosa, which comes from my mother’s maiden name. Also, my last name Torres which I’ve obtained from my father. When I arrived here in the United States, any time I was addressed or whenever I register my name, they always confused Antonette as a part of my middle name. I’ve been given a chance to change my name when I changed my citizenship, but I didn’t do so, because even though my name has been a source of conflict, I know that my parents given some thought and their time in choosing this name for me, moreover because my name connects me to my other sisters, I have two sisters named Marie Paulette and Maria Bernadette, people know us, as the tres Marias. The reason being for this was because my parents originally thought there were only going to be three of us.  However, I have a total of five siblings now. 

My name was given to me by my father, it was patterned with my elder sister’s name Marie Paulette. Mary is the English version of the name Maria; Philippines was colonized by Spaniards for three hundred years, and then by Americans for 48 years. So some of the Filipinos convert their name and made it Americanized. That’s why Mary was a common given first name after Spanish era. Some sources says that Mary means bitter, beautiful one or beloved. Which one I am? I don’t know it depends on what hormone is seething in my body.  

Antonette means “worthy of praise.” It is feminine of Anthony. I always get compliments with my name, but when I was in grade school, I disliked my name, because it was too long for me to write. Occasionally, people will say that my name sounds very feminine and then they will tease me, do you know Marie Antoinette? Of course after having asked about this several times, I already know whose Marie Antoinette, it was the beheaded Queen of France. I surely don’t want to be beheaded. I then adopted Toni or Tonette as my nicknames.

“Of the rose.” That’s what Dela Rosa means. Having been said in my first paragraph, my country was colonized by Spaniards for three hundred years, my blood as a Filipino is probably three-fourth, I come from a heritage of Chinese, Spanish and Filipino descent. There’s too many colonizers that inhabited Philippines that most people from Philippines does not look Filipino anymore. Native Filipinos are called Aetas, they have features such as dark to dark brown skin, kinky to afro-like textured skin and lighter hair color. Torres means “tower.” The definition of my family name then means, “Of the rose tower.” According to my ancestors, Spanish government made it mandatory to change family names to a Spanish translation, so that it will be easier to collect taxes from people. Interestingly enough, colonization did a big influence with the name that I have right now, but at the end of the day I believed names are just labels, no one can define a person just by the name, people are made individually unique from each other, but it was fun to know where your name originated from just by looking up names. So, what does your name means?

Natives of Philippines "Aetas"